People with lupus, like all people, live in a social environment. While your experience of lupus may be largely internal, you continue to live and work in a world where you have relationships with other people.
Relationships and support are central to living well with lupus. Those around you can impact your symptoms, mood, and sense of well-being. The goal of this module is to share ideas for how to have the best communication with those who share in your lupus experience.
Being able to communicate about our physical health is important for our wellbeing. Yet it is also one of the greatest challenges. We hope that the information provided in this module gives you some ideas of how you can improve your communication with others about your lupus experience and symptoms.
Take a Quiz to Assess Your Communication Style
Back to topTo improve as a communicator, it helps to understand the style of communication you tend to use. Take this quiz to determine your communication style:
Based on your responses, your primary communication style is {primary_style}. However, communication styles can change when you're in different social settings. For example, how you communicate with others may depend on whether you are speaking to your family vs. people you work with.
Learn about the Three Communication Styles
Back to topCommunication style is on a spectrum, and your communication style may depend on how you are feeling or who you are speaking with. For this reason, you may find it helpful to learn about all communication styles.
There are three common communication styles:
- Aggressive communicators stand up for their rights at the expense of others. Such people often speak loudly, act superior, and may bully others. Their goal is to control, to win, and to force others to lose or back down.
- Passive communicators find it hard to express their honest thoughts and feelings. They often put the feelings of others before their own. They tend to feel victimized, may be secretly angry and stressed.
- Assertive communicators are effective because they share their own needs. They show respect for themselves and others and make good use of compromise. They speak directly, act confidently, and maintain good eye contact while communicating. Assertive communication gives you the best chance of delivering your message successfully.
Traits of the Three Communication Styles
Assertive
- Feel open to share feelings, opinions, and needs with others
- Control anger
- Willing to compromise
- High self-esteem
- Respect the opinions of others and disagree respectfully
- Good listener
- Can say no without feeling guilty
Passive
- Apologetic and self-deprecating
- Indecisive
- Low self-esteem
- Slumped posture and downcast eyes
- Quiet or muffled speech
- Don’t like to disagree with others
- Feel no one cares about personal opinions, wants, or needs
Aggressive
- Feel superior to others
- Poor listening skills
- Unwilling to compromise
- Do not respect the opinions of others
- Close-minded
- Interrupt others often
- Speak loudly
Tips for Each Communication Style
Back to topTips for Aggressive Communicators:
- Listen to what the other person is saying, avoid planning what to say next as the other person is talking.
- Avoid talking over the other person. Think of it like a tennis match: conversation goes back and forth, instead of just one person talking
- Find ways to compromise, instead of trying to ‘win’ in a conversation.
- Evaluate how your conversation went. Take time to think about how your conversation went so you know what to work on for next time.
- Acknowledge other people’s feelings, which lets them know they have been heard and may help them to be more understanding of your concerns.
- Be specific. Try to focus on what someone actually says or does in a certain instance, rather than making vague or broad accusations.
Tips for Passive Communicators:
- Prepare ahead of time what you want to say.
- Share your emotions. Share how you feel about someone's behavior.
- Clearly tell people what you want them to do next time. Try to be specific and realistic.
- Evaluate how your conversation went. Take time to think about how your conversation went so you know what to work on for next time.
- Be direct and concise while sharing your needs and concerns.
Assertive communication will help your family members, friends, and doctors have a better idea of what you are going through related to lupus and how they can help.
Communication with Family, Friends, and Caregivers
Back to topIf you help your family and other caregivers understand your experience with lupus, they may be better able to support you. Some things you can do include:
- Helping them to learn more about your condition or disorder – its diagnosis, symptoms, and effects on you. Encourage them to meet with your healthcare provider to get their questions answered.
- Working with family to keep your home life as positive as possible.
- Letting family/caregivers know that when you feel well, you will do whatever you can to help but that you must also pace yourself, so your symptoms don't get worse.
- Talking with family/caregivers about things other than your own health. Show an interest in what is going on in their lives as well.
For those who want to learn more about your condition, you can direct them to ConquerLupus Family & Friends.
